Did you hear the trio singing that in your head? If not, you must never have watched Three and a Half Men. I loved that show, for the first few years. Once Charlie died, as much as I adore Ashton Kutcher, the show fell apart.
These days though, that song runs through my mind a lot. I'm trying hard to put my past totally out of mind and live only in this new world I'm making. I've made a lot of changes, not only in myself, but in my world. The first start was to unfriend and block over half of my Facebook "friends" list. I began to realize that some days started out great and ended up not so because of the mood that some of my "friends" had put me in. I'm not leaving a lot of room in this new life for negativity. I may not unfriend or block you from it if you are negative, but if you do it often enough, I will at the very least "unfollow" you. In real life and online. It felt awful at first, unplugging people that I'd had in my life for decades, but after a while I started remembering moments that I'd buried underneath other stuff so they wouldn't hurt and once I uncovered them all, it got a lot easier.
Now, if my phone rings or the computer dings I can be fairly certain that it's someone I really do want to be in touch with. It doesn't happen as often anymore, and I have lonelier days, but I'd rather be lonely than pretending to be someone I'm not. In this case, "friends" with people who don't deserve my friendship.
As I mentioned earlier, I also put a dating profile online. A decade ago when I did that, it yielded different results for me. Just like when I first got a Facebook account, I friended anyone who sent a request, when my profile went live I went out with pretty much anybody who asked me. It wasn't uncommon back then for me to go on three dates a day, with different men. One day that I'll never forget...I had a breakfast date with an engineer from Huntsville. We met at Waffle House and laughed together over silly stuff until I had to leave. To get to a lunch date with a professor from Madison. We had a lovely meal served on china with linen tablecloths and spiced with intelligent conversation about subjects that most people wouldn't enjoy. I had a couple of hours for thrift shopping before time to meet my supper date (I was so well fed during those days, it's a wonder I could still fit in my car!) with a dashing young guy from Scottsboro. We had a picnic of pizza along the lake. We stayed there until the stars came out and after we'd named all of them we knew, we sat and listened to the ducks and frogs until I had to go. For my fourth date of the day to go out on a sailboat with a sweet gentle soul from Decatur that kept his sailboat on Lake Guntersville. That was a few hours I'll never forget. Sitting beside each other, looking up at stars twinkling in a jet black sky and listening to Norah Jones playing softly on his stereo. The waves were lapping on the side of the boat and the sails were flapping in the breeze and it was by far the most peaceful moments of my existence. I hope to replicate it someday with someone I care about that will add special flavor to the moments with tingling kisses.
They weren't all good dates. I never was afraid on any of them, but I did have some uncomfortable moments. In situations that I had allowed myself to get in even knowing the potential consequences. I had no one to blame but myself. So, I ate the bitter pills and learned from my mistakes. Despite the astronomical number of dates I went on during those 18 months, I saw only a few of them for second dates. And over 3/4 of the time it was because I had turned down a second date. I knew what I was looking for. They weren't it.
I'm smarter now. I figure out whether there's a possibility before I ever say yes to a date. I'm watching my weight (as it lowers minisculely, because muscle weighs more than fat and I'm getting a LOT of muscle!) so I don't need the free meals or the hassle of getting dressed and putting on makeup for someone that I won't want to spend more than a few hours with. If it doesn't have potential to be interesting, fun or the start of something lovely, I don't go.
All of this was a long way around saying that despite the odds, I'm finally becoming an adult. I won't ever grow up, but I'm finally out of the teenage stage of serial dating. I've met guys this time around who have become friends that I am happy to have in my life. There's a friend that might become more. And there's a guy that was close to becoming "more" from the first date. And I'm not in any rush to see who gets to the finish line first. I'm enjoying the journey. I do spend a lot of time corresponding with the "contenders" but I think and write fast so it's not as much time as it might seem to those that don't know me well. I'll keep you posted with the outcome, eventually. For now, for once, I'm being a little more private. I know, reading back over all my blog posts, it seems that "private" isn't in my vocabulary. But, lemme tell you. It is. Ponder that. There's stuff I don't spill in black and white. Really? Mind-blowing, eh? I'm enjoying peeling back the layers of life, instead of chopping it right straight into quarters for easier serving.
I made a lot of mistakes the first time around. I'm not making them this time. I have no regrets so far. I'm enjoying the journey. A lot. A couple of you guys that made the cut I'm sure are reading this. Thanks for making the journey. You won't be unfriended any time soon! *hugs* To my long time friends, thanks for hanging in there through the manic period the first time. You won't ever be unfriended. I want you in my life forver!
THAT'S MY STORY
I've never been normal. I've never tried to be. I can't imagine anything more boring.
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